master of the house Songtext - Les Misérables

DRINKER 3
Come on you old pest

DRINKER 2
Fetch a bottle of your best

DRINKER 1
What's the nectar of the day?

THÉNARDIER (coming in with a flask
of wine.)
Here, try this lot
Guaranteed to hit the spot
Or I'm not Thénardier.

DRINKERS
Gissa glass of rum!
Landlord, over here!

THÉNARDIER
Right away, you scum (to himself)
Right away, M'sieur. (to customer)

DINER 1
God this place has gone to hell

DINER 2
So you tell me every year.

DRINKER 6
Mine host Thénardier
He was there, so they say,
At the field of Waterloo.

DRINKER 7
Got there, it's true
When the fight was all through

DRINKER 1
But he knew just what to do
Crawling through the mud
So I've heard it said
Picking through the pockets
of the English dead

DRINKER 8
He made a tidy score
From the spoils of war.

THÉNARDIER
My band of sokas
My den of dissolutes
My dirty jokes, my always pissed as newts.
My sons of whores
Spent their lives in my inn
Homing pigeons homing in
They fly through my doors
And their money's as good as yours.

DINER 1
Aind't got a clue
What he put into this stew
Must've scraped it off the street.

DINER 2
God, what a wine!
Chateau Neuf de Turpentine
Must've pressed it with his feet.

DRINKERS
Landlord, over here!
Where's the bloody man?
One more for the roas?

Thénardier, one more slug o' gin.

GIRL
Just one more, or my old man is gonna do
me in.

THÉNARDIER (getting a new costumer.)
Welcome, M'sieur
Sit yourself down
And meet the best
Innkeeper in town.
As for the rest,
All of them crooks
Rooking their guests
And cooking the books.
Seldom do you see
Honest men like me
A gent of good intent
Who's content to be

Master of the house
Doling out the charm
Ready with a handshake
And an open palm

Liver of a cat
Filling up the saussages
With this and that!
Residents are more than welcome
Bridal suit is occupied!
Reasonable charges
Plus some little extras on the side!

Charge 'em for the lice
Extra for the mice
Two per cent for looking in the mirror
Twice.
Here a little slice
There a little cut
Three per cent for sleeping with the window
shut.
When it comes to fixing prices
There are lots of tricks he knows
How it all increases
All those bits and pieces
Jesus! It's amazing how it grows!

THÉNARDIER & CHORUS
Master of the house
Quick to catch your eye
Never wants a passer-by to pass him by
Servant to the poor
Butler to the great
Comforter, philosopher
And life-long mate
Everybody's boon companion
Gives 'em everything he's got.

THÉNARDIER
Dirty bunch of geezers
Jesus! What a sorry little lot!

MADAME THÉNARDIER
I used to dream
That I would meet a prince.
But God Almighty,
Have you seen what's happened since?
'Maseter of the house'?
Isn't worth me spit!
'Comforter, philosopher'
- and lifelong shit!
Cunning little brain
Regular Voltaire
Thinks he's quite a lover
But there's not much there.
What a cruel trick of nature
Landed me with such a louse
God knows how I've lasted
Living with this bastard in the house!

THÉNARDIER & CHORUS
Master of the house.

MME. THÉNARDIER
Master and a half!

THÉNARDIER & CHORUS
Comforter, philosopher.

MME. THÉNARDIER
Don't make me lough!

THÉNARDIER & CHORUS
Servant to the poor
Butler to the great.

MME. THÉNARDIER
Hyprocrite and toady
And inebriate!

THÉNARDIER & CHORUS
Everybody bless the landlord!
Everybody bless his spouse.

THÉNARDIER
Everybody raise a glass.

MME. THÉNARDIER
Raise it up the master's arse.

ALL
Everybody raise a glass ter the master of the
house.

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